ARE YOU NEEDLESSLY SUFFERING
FROM FOF?
In our culture, success is mostly defined as being beautiful,
rich, popular, and powerful. And failure is linked with making
mistakes and generally being considered a loser. No wonder
we get anxious. Fear of failure (FOF) causes us to "play
it safe," avoid risks, and stay stuck.
Here are five common ways that we stop ourselves from moving
forward.
As you read below, imagine making a change in your life. Perhaps
you want
to be a better communicator (launch a new business, or start
taking
ballroom dancing).
1. You talk about it, but don't follow through.
You keep yourself from potentially experiencing failure by
not engaging
in activities to learn how to communicate better. Suddenly,
you loose
your motivation and nothing changes.
2. You avoid failing by failing.
You tell yourself you don't have time to practice your new
skills and
when you do remember to try them out, you don't get the results
you
were hoping for. You give up to "protect" yourself
from further failure!
Of course, if you give up, you can't succeed either.
3. You create a diversion.
You are conflicted. On the one hand, you want to make the
changes you
have identified; on the other, you are concerned about the
unknown. To
avoid discomfort, you sabotage yourself by getting distracted
(you
get involved in someone else's problems, decide to drop your
goal so that
you can search for another one, or "create" an illness).
4. You indulge in "what if--down" thinking.
You think thoughts that cause you to feel down on yourself
instead of
"what if--up" thinking that can uplift you. You
compare yourself to others
and feel inferior. You think it will be difficult or a struggle
to reach
your goal and exhaust your energy.
5. You become reasonably successful.
You get as far away from failure as possible by setting the
bar too low
for yourself. You stay in your comfort zone to remove the
threat of
failure. You are unwilling to stretch to give it your best
effort to
find out what you are really capable of.
What would happen if you began thinking of failure as feedback?
Feedback
is both inevitable and valuable. Without feedback we cannot
make important
course corrections. What we consider to be mistakes are necessary
to help
use understand what works and what doesn't. Feedback is essential
to aid
learning. Feedback helps us understand that we live in a "cause
and effect"
world. It teaches us life skills, such as taking self responsibility,
patience, and determination.
Redefining what failure and success mean is the first step
in relieving
your struggle and suffering. Perhaps a better definition of
failure is
giving up or taking the easy way out. A more positive definition
of
success might be living in alignment with your values and
doing your best,
regardless of the outcome.
You know you are making progress when your definition of
failure liberates
you from your fear. And when it inspires you to reach for
the next level
of success while enjoying the process.
(c) 2005 Barbara McRae, MCC. All rights reserved.
If you wish to reprint this article, please contact me at
barbara@enhancedlife.com. Thank you!
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