Misconceptions About Withholding Information

Have you noticed that the bigger the change seems, the stronger the attack of Yeahbuts get? Expect them to show up for you; they’re normal. The Yeahbuts role is to defend who you’ve been and what you’ve done in the past. Know that as a human being, Yeahbuts are part of your survival operating system, leftover from when humans lived in caves. In some ways this protective system still contributes to your physical safety, but mostly it stops you from making new choices. Yeahbuts sound like they are coming from you, but don’t make the mistake into thinking that they are you; they’re not—no matter how convincing and persistent they sound.

Let’s imagine that you are a chocoholic who realizes that if you want to feel better and keep your face from breaking out that you had better eliminate (or severely reduce) your chocolate intake. You savor one more piece of Godiva chocolate and get rid of the box. The next day at the office it’s a co-workers birthday and the entire department is celebrating with a luscious death-by-chocolate cake. Someone hands you a piece of cake and in your mind you hear, “Why not just have a little piece? It won’t hurt. I can start the ‘no more chocolate plan’ tomorrow.” You succumb to the cajoling voice of your Yeahbut and break your commitment to yourself. When the notion of commitment—a pledge to do something specific—shows up, more Yeahbuts often join in to keep you stuck. “If only I were more disciplined.” Or, “I’ve always had a problem with commitment.” Or, “It’s just too difficult for me.”

Accepting the thought that you have a bigger problem with commitment than the rest of us is part of the problem. There is nothing wrong with you. Once you realize that Yeahbuts are merely old pre-recorded messages, you can takeover and run your own show. Yeahbuts play in your head and are activated like your prerecorded voice mail greeting. If you give in to these old messages, they can run your life. Take back your power and your freedom to choose; hit the delete button and rerecord a message that is in support of your desired goal, such as, “I no longer choose to experience the uncomfortable aftermath of eating chocolate, of smoking, or of controlling the conversation” or whatever the case may be. Below you’ll find effective ways to help you be more resourceful in outfoxing your Yeahbuts.

• Encourage your Yeahbuts to reveal themselves and speak up; don’t suppress them or they’ll turn into sniper attacks.
• Be aware that you are not your thoughts or your feelings; let the Yeahbuts pass through you
• Acknowledge them; say “I hear you,” but don’t engage in battle; it will be too exhausting
• Keep a Yeahbuts log; then when they repeat, you can be amused and say to yourself, “Here comes number 7.”
• Remind yourself of your commitment and visualize your ideal outcome
• Develop a support network of friends who are willing to help you change; not the ones who keep the status quo in tact
• Work with a professional coach or coaching buddy who has already successfully mastered Yeahbuts in his or her life.

ACTION STEP:
Think about a change you are considering and write down your Yeahbuts below. Then use the above methods to outfox your Yeahbuts to get free. Take charge: give yourself permission to live an authentic life!

Copyright © 2004 by Barbara McRae. All rights reserved. If you wish to reprint this article, please contact barbara@enhancedlife.com.

EnhancedLife Coaching, LLC is proud to be affiliated with The Ken Blanchard Companies®. Our clients include individuals, small businesses, Fortune 500 companies, professional associations, non-profit organizations, and governmental agencies in the US and Europe. For further information contact: barbara@enhancedlife.com or call us at 719-475-7524.