HOW TO CREATE HAPPINESS -STARTING
TODAY!
For most of us, happiness is easy when everything is going
our way. When
we receive an unexpected windfall, when the love we send out
is returned,
or when we've landed that plum promotion or ideal client.
Even then, it's
fleeting because we are counting on external events to make
us happy.
Happiness is a universal desire. So, why does it seem so
difficult for us
to sustain happiness? Because happiness is a state of mind,
not an event.
To be happy, you must be willing to choose it, moment-by-moment,
no matter
whether your external evidence conventionally says otherwise.
If you don't
feel happy right now, you can still create it. You are not
doomed to be
unhappy unless you give in to it.
Here's how to start:
Hope is the bridge to happiness. It's a gift to help you
get to the other
side; it's not a place to live. People stay stuck in hopefulness
when they
don't want to be disappointed. Here hope is distorted since
you are yearning
for something that seems impossible. Pure hope happens when
you believe that
whatever you are hoping for is indeed possible.
The difference between hoping and yearning is very distinct
in its
consciousness. When you firmly believe that there is a perfect
way for your
hope to come about, without knowing all the steps yet, that
kind of hope is
powerful. When you take two steps forward and one step back
and you don't
get stuck in the back step, then you know you are using hope
as a bridge to
move forward again. Truly, life doesn't have to feel like
a treadmill, unless
you put yourself there.
You can progress today when you live in a state of hopeful
possibility. But,
if you hope and then pull back (by telling yourself that it
probably won't
happen or by thinking you are a victim of circumstance), you
will find
yourself back in the muck!
What to do when you get stuck:
Catch your "shoulds" and alter the reality you
perceive to support
your goals and desires. For example, imagine you are feeling
great with a
renewed sense of love and acceptance for someone you've been
having difficulty
with (i.e. boss, coworker, spouse, neighbor, etc.). You've
decided that you
will not allow this person to trigger you and you are hopeful
that your
relationship will change for the better.
You feel good about your intention until this person shows
up with an attitude
and is not responding to you in the way that you expected.
You take it personal
and say to yourself, "See, I knew nothing would change;
why do I even bother?"
You are now experiencing the "back step." You are
at choice point. You can
either pull back and indulge in your disappointment or you
can take responsibility
for your own happiness.
You can shift to peace and happiness, when you change the
context or the
interpretation you are giving your experience.
You can begin by soothing yourself intellectually (i.e.,
generously giving the
other person the benefit of the doubt: maybe he/she was preoccupied
and the
behavior had nothing to do with you.). If your interpretation
of the event
causes you to loose hope and makes you feel miserable, know
that you are doing
this to yourself; no one is "doing it to you." In
most cases, someone who is
annoying you is merely reflecting back a piece of humanity
back to you.
Your business is to create your own happiness:
The truth is that we can't really know what's going on with
someone else and,
more importantly, it's not for you to know how they are being;
that's their
business. Your business is to return to the positive possibility
of hope
so that you can be happy.
If you are someone who is still struggling with how to be
happy, it
might be time to take advantage of the insights and added
accountability
coaching offers. For a complimentary consultation, email us
at
execoach@earthlink.net with "Creating Happiness"
in the subject line.
In the meantime, here are some observations--my own and from
my clients--that
state in simple terms what we have learned about happiness.
Happiness is . . .
... activating hope to serve as a bridge to happiness.
... choosing deliberate thoughts that best support you.
... seeing the positive meaning--the gift--in discomfort
and
adversity.
... living in the present, honoring your past, and creating
your
future.
... having something fun and of interest to look forward to
every day.
... being kind, relating to yourself and to others with warmth.
....focusing on what you are responsible for, not what others
ought to be doing.
... expressing your needs or preferences whether or not others
understand or comply.
... cultivating appreciation and gratefulness for the simple
things
in your daily life.
... opening your mind to glorious possibilities.
... connecting with others, cultivating a sense of community.
... accepting change and embracing the unknown.
... living a purposeful life, at work and at home.
... being happy with who you are.
... loving what is without trying to bend the outcome to
your will.
(c) 2005 Barbara McRae, MCC. All rights reserved.
If you wish to reprint this article, please contact me at
barbara@enhancedlife.com. Thank you!
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